Family and Raising Children

Grumpy taking the girls to Sheels

Since we are in California for my husband's job, we decided to take a long weekend and drive up to Lovelock, NV to visit my daughter and her family. 

I am lucky that my daughter and I are close. I often call her when I am struggling and or depressed. Her support is amazing. She is an excellent support for all of her family. Her sisters are often reaching out to her for support and reality checks. 

I often feel sorry for her husband because our family can be a bit much. Our humor can be a little uncouth at times and he just shakes his head at us. But he is awesome and welcomes us all in. He is also a great father. I got to watch him interact with the older one who misunderstood, a situation and felt she had failed. He helped her realize that she had not failed and had performed beautifully. His calm steady voice and loving pride soothed her broken ego/heart. Honestly I had some reservations when my daughter said she was going to marry him. But I am so thankful to the Lord for putting the together. He is the perfect mate for my daughter. A great father and provider for his children. They will always know they are loved valued and protected.

The girls, ages 9 1/2, 6 1/2, and 3, are all active and joyful. They are also very confident and willing to speak out. If they know something to be wrong they speak up, even if it's to an adult. They are not allowed to be disrespectful but they are allowed to stand up for themselves. Something we need more of in children. I am very proud of they way their parents are raising them. 

I firmly believe that children need to be able to tell adults "no". I think it not only helps the child to be more confident but could possibly protect them from abuse. I had an acquaintance whose siblings were molested by their grandfather. She was not, because the grandfather felt my friend would rat him out. He felt that way because she wouldn't hesitate to tell him no or that he was wrong. I think we need to be careful to not stress respect for adults to the point that we take away a child's autonomy. We tried to teach out children that they could tell an adults they were wrong. It led to some interesting parent teacher conferences. 

My husband and I always tried to give our kids experiences. We used to say we weren't raising children. We were raising adults. We tried to instill in our children that they were part of a unit. Also that they needed to be a contributing part of the unit. They had chores. We did things like gardening together. Canning was (and still is) done as a family. Painting the house or doing repairs are often team efforts. 

Many people felt we weren't letting our kids be kids. But a few years later, these same people were asking how we got our kids to work. Simple, they always were expected to. Our kids didn't "help" us. They just worked with us. Even if their participation was limited by their abilities, they were equal contributing members of the unit.

I have had the privileged of meeting some of my children's employers. They often thank me for the work ethic our children possess. I still attribute it to the philosophy of being a contributing member of the unit.

Perhaps, I was not the best parent. But my kids knew they were loved. They had food, a roof over their head (the utilities were never shut off), clothes (even if they were previously loved) and were safe.

I remember my kids friends coming over to charge up their lap tops because they didn't have electricity. My kids didn't even have laptops. They had access to the family computer if they needed it for school. My kids didn't have smart phones or video games. They did have adventures though. It may have been an impromptu trip for a seafood lunch that lasted 2 days It could have been a rockhounding trip. Or a road trip to visit a historical site. I am hoping that they have fond memories that will last them far longer than the material things their friends had.

I am very lucky to have the children that I have. My husband and I have been blessed with wonderful children that want us in their lives. Not everyone can say that. Is our family perfect? Not by a long shot, but we do love and support each other and what more can you ask for.

ESCAPE (when and how are you escaping)

A beach in Hawaii during our vacation

 Seth Godin is quoted as saying "Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, Maybe you should set up a life you don't need to escape from" While a vacation can be an escape from your day to day life, I think that there are other things we do to "escape" the rigors and stress of our life. 

This new season of my life started me thinking about the ways I coped with things or "escaped" from the stresses of my life. Keep in mind that I don't always recognize when I am stressed. So recognizing the things I do to escape could help me recognize when I am stressed.

One thing I do and have done for years, is napping. I didn't even realize it was an escape. That realization came to me a few years ago when my daughter pointed out that she learned to take stress naps from me. When I was a stay at home mom, I would frequently take naps. I still do. It is only recently that I realize I take naps when I am overwhelmed or stuck. In other words stressed.

For example, I need to clean up my studio. I will be more productive in it if I get it cleaned and organized. But I don't have a plan or know where to start or even how to start. I know I'll feel better because I will be able to create more, but I can't move forward. I can't even do one little thing. So it's Nap time. 

Does the nap solve anything? No, it is an escape from the pressure. Granted it's pressure I am putting on myself, but it's still pressure. Sometimes it kind of acts as a reset for my brain. Sometimes it is all it takes to move forward. Sometimes it's just a nap

Another thing I use as an escape is social media. Facebook, pod casts, Instagram, all provide and escape. It's a distraction from the things that are weighing heavily on my mind. It is also an excellent way to avoid doing things. 

Is it productive? Not usually. Can it be addictive? Definitely, as it provides dopamine. While there are times that I learn something new or get even get an epiphany, more often than not it is just a procrastination technique that in the long run adds to my stress. I am working on limiting my social media time.

Television is another way of escaping. It is so easy to get caught up in a show or movie. Especially now days where you can stream one episode after another. Have you ever thought I am just going to watch one episode only to realize you spent the whole evening watching several episodes?  I can say that I actually have the TV watching under control. I barely watch TV any more. Lately, I only watch when I am with my husband, children or grandchildren. Even then it is rarely more than one show or movie.

The last escape I find myself using is currently my biggest problem. It's reading. You wouldn't think reading would be a problem. Reading is a good thing, right? Well, not always. You see, I am a compulsive reader. I will read well into the night. I will read when I should be doing other things. I will fall into the story that I am reading and have a hard time pulling back out. Plus what I am reading is often what I call mind candy. So much fluff and nonsense that it doesn't take any thought process to read.

These past few months, it really became a problem. I was so stressed with work that I would come home and read until midnight. Then when the alarm went off at 5:30am,I would start reading again until it was time to get out the door for work. My life at that point was consisting of reading, working, fitting in a meal and too little sleep. It really was unhealthy and it seemed to be the only way I could keep going.

 I have been reading e-books on my phone. For the first time that I can remember, I was not finishing one book before moving onto another. In the past, I could never start a new book before finishing the previous book. But because what I have been reading was mindless fluff and not that well written, I'd get frustrated with a book and start another. I had several books going at a time and the stories were blending into each other. I was not reading for enjoyment but rather for escape. 

Interestingly enough, now that I am entering a new season of my life, I am not needing to escape into a book as much. I deleted several of the e-books. I think I have a total of three e-books that I am reading now and I am not sure I will finish those. Plus I can step away from them and do other things. (like this blog) And that is definitely an improvement.

Crafting could be considered an escape but I think of it as more of a coping mechanism. I am happiest if I am creating. So in this new season of my life, creating will definitely be part of my routine.

Cooking and baking can also be an escape. When we were going through a particularly stressful time with one of our children, I often felt like the world's worse mother. I compensated by cooking and baking. But at least I was being productive. I expect that I will also include cooking and baking when I craft my new normal.

I am sure there are other things I do to escape. I think some of the things we currently use as an escape are probably the very things we need to include as we craft the life we don't want to escape from. And once I identify the things that bring me joy and peace, I will make it a priority to include them in my life.

What do you use to escape?

Being Flamazing This Year

 As I have mentioned before, I am responsible for coming up with activities for our branch Relief Society (women's organization). For our January activity, I came up with  "Be Flamazing". I wanted to approach this year with themes of positivity and self improvement.

Pinky the Flamingo

Why "Flamazing"? I owe that to my friend Tammy Nunn. She is the Relief Society President in her branch in Louisiana. 

Right after the Covid-19 restrictions were lifted, Tammy did an activity to help the women feel "flamazing" about themselves and each other. She used Flamingos as her theme, hence the term "Flamazing". She gave me a bunch of flamingo themed decorations and items. Together we adapted the idea and I ran with it.

Pinky the Flamingo gave little hints via the Facebook group about the activity for a couple weeks before the activity. Pinky asked the women to bring a scripture that had meaning to them as well as a quote that gave them pause to think or insight into something they were struggling with. Pinky asked for book recommendations as well.

I came to the activity that day with books and a list of quotes. I talked about what we put into our minds is what is going to come out in our thoughts/actions. I referred to to old computer programming term of  "Garbage In = Garbage Out"

I shared several books that have made a positive impact on my thoughts and attitudes over the years. I listed some quotes that hit home for me. I stressed having a positive outlook about ourselves and setting goals that improved our minds, attitudes, spirituality, and outlooks rather than usual goals lose weight or eat healthy. 

In short I was hoping to inspire them to be and feel like the "Flamazing" Women they are. I also gave them each a small journal and pen to record inspirational thoughts and quotes that they come across. 

I didn't realize just how much the idea of  "Being Flamazing" resonated within me until more recently. While going through all the stress and turmoil at work the last few months, I found myself telling others that this year was going to be a year of positivity. I was actively trying to squash negativity and promote positivity. During this time I was hugging those that needed hugs, smiling as I greeted coworkers, and in general trying to exude a positive attitude. I tried really hard not to criticize or put down others' efforts even when they made my job harder. While I didn't realize it at the time, I was being proactive about my own happiness at work.

One of the Quotes that I shared at the activity was "I Choose..." by Miranda Marriot. It reads as follows:

I choose to live by choice, not chance; to make changes, not excuses; to be motivated, not manipulated, to be useful, not used;  I choose self esteem not self pity; to listen to my inner voice, not the random opinions of others.

When it came down to making the decision to quit my job. The choice was made with the thought of how to remain positive and be happy this year. I knew that I couldn't stay in that position and remain happy. If I wasn't happy I would quickly become negative. I knew that I couldn't be positive and promote a positive attitude with the way I had been treated. 

What I didn't realize, was how much that decision was based on the above quote. You see, I chose to live by my choice, I made a change, I was not letting myself be used. I chose to protect my self esteem and to listened to my inner voice.

I wonder if I would have been focused this way if I hadn't planned an activity on "Being Flamazing". Sometimes the activity is for the other women and sometimes it is for me. What I know for sure is I am going to continue to Be Flamazing this year.

2025 will be my Year of Positivity.

Work Life Balance (or lack there of)

 I noticed that the last time I posted was back in August of 2023. That post was about my first day back at work after spending a week visiting the grand kids. Here it is March 2025 and I am just now thinking about blogging again.

The thing was, I have not had any work life balance for the past 19 months. My work load was getting heavier and heavier since I was promoted to assistant manager in 2021. My husband was unhappy with the hours I was putting in. He even pointing out that my boss didn't put in those kind of hours.  My children were worried about my health. I was also dealing with a lot of personnel issues in the department. Add to it my boss seemed to be distancing himself from me and I didn't know why.

During all of this mess, I stopped doing the things that made me happy and gave me peace. I was so overly focused on work that I lost myself for a while. I am now just starting to care about my own happiness again. This is a post about what triggered the change.

After working at my company for 16+ years, I resigned my position. Why? Because I realized that my efforts were not valued. Nor were my abilities appreciated.  My boss of 16 years was fired at the beginning of January. At that time I was told I was in charge of the department. (A position I was told I would have if anything caused my boss to no longer be with the company.) I was expecting the be told they were promoting me to manager (my boss' position). 

When I hadn't heard anything after a week, I looked at the company job postings. The position was not posted. The following Monday, the corporate person over our department informed me that she had interviewed someone for the manager job. I was pissed and hurt. I looked at the postings again and the position was posted. I applied for the position and went through the interview process, only to find out they were not giving me the job. 

They were giving it to a supervisor from another plant, who had only been with the company for a couple of years. He didn't have any more qualifications than I did. He also didn't know the processes we used at this plant. The reasons they gave for not choosing me were the very things I said were my short comings. They couldn't be bothered to look for their own reasons not to give me the job. It was very evident that they didn't even seriously consider me for the position.

On top of that, they tried to appease me by saying they would develop me and in the future, they felt I could be an excellent quality operations manager. (basically what I was already doing) I was angry and hurt. I felt betrayed. The person they gave the job to was the very person they first interviewed. I found out later that he had been told about the posting and was encouraged to apply. It was a slap in the face.

So on 2/21, I emailed my resignation as I was driving off company property.  I ended up calling in sick the next day. When I was still ill on Monday, I went to the doctor. I had a sinus infection, swollen glands, and my blood pressure was 190/110. The doctor put me out until Friday the 28th. My blood pressure stabilized over the next couple of days. My glands went down and the sinus infection responded to the antibiotics.

I was scheduled for vacation on 2/28 to 3/7. So I didn't work the last 2 weeks. My husband, daughter and I spent a week in Hawaii. When I came back I realized how happy I really was. I also realized how unhappy I had been for a couple of years.

The thing about the whole situation that really surprised me, was how easy it was to walk away from the 16 year investment. When I applied for the manager job, I knew there was a chance I wouldn't get it.

While in the temple on 2/8, I was getting snippets of inspiration of what I could be doing with my life if I wasn't working all of the long hours. 

When I decided to resign, I felt calm. People who know me would not describe me as calm person. I can be very dramatic and somewhat emotional. I over think things. But as I left the plant that last day, I was calm. I was going to miss people but I knew it was the right decision for me. 

When I returned to the temple on 2/22, I received confirmation that I had made the right choice. 

I knew my health was suffering. I knew my home life was suffering. My spiritual life was suffering. I was not happy. Now I am enjoying being a Grandma. I am seeking out spiritual renewal. I am getting enough sleep. I am feeling better than ever.

Most importantly, I am finding my peace and joy. I am returning to working on who I want to be. I am finding myself again.

After years of my life being all about work, it is now about life. So the scales of the work life balance are tipped to the other extreme for a little while at least. 

If you want to be happy and healthy, Find your work life balance. Fight for it. Because I know without one, there is no life and no happiness.