True Self Care

 I read recently; "Self care is not escaping from your life, but rather living a life that you don't want to escape from"  I can't remember where I read it or who said it but the quote remained with me all day and even weeks later I keep thinking about who could benefit from it.

I grew up towards the end of the "Mother's Little Helper" era. I had friends whose mothers were taking tranquilizers to deal with the stress and/or depression in their lives. My mother was not one of these women. I remember over hearing a conversation where she mentioned that her doctor didn't believe in prescribing tranquilizers. He felt that women needed to find ways to deal with the stress of their lives instead. Which is essentially the quote.

(As a young adult I got the opportunity to ask that doctor about it. He told me that he felt that it was more important to figure out how to deal with the stress and depression than to medicate and mask the symptoms. He did state that used properly with the right kind of treatment, tranquilizers could improve issues for people but that at the time doctors were prescribing them too freely and it was leading to addiction.) 

I think that the right kind of self care is the kind that brings peace. What good is a Spa weekend to relieve stress, when it's over and you have to go right back to the same stress. Don't get me wrong pampering feels wonderful but it is fleeting. What we need to do is find a way to deal with the stress that is more permanent or lasting.  

So how do we do that. By changing what we do. 

To Be very clear, I am NOT saying quit your job, end your marriage or anything like that. I am advocating for a change in how we deal with things in our lives.

In August of 2021, I came close to losing my job. An interaction with an employee was misunderstood and misconstrued.  Fortunately I was only suspended for a week. But the real outcome of that situation caused me to make some changes.  

I had to do a zoom meeting with several higher ups. They asked me if everything was alright and if there was something going on at home because the action was so out of character.  All I could come up with was I was exhausted.  I was.  I was in a new position and hadn't been getting any direction on how do my new job. I had also been tasked with working with another department manager to get improvement in his department. I felt stuck between him and our respective bosses. Plus there had been big push for Supervisors and managers to improve their communication skills because of Ethics points calls. Putting extra stress on all of us.

My answer was to use that week to re-evaluate things.  There was no excuse for how tired I was, except that I wasn't sleeping well. So I started with going to the doctor. I got a couple of referrals to specialists. I wanted to make sure there wasn't a physical reason for my exhaustion and lack of sleep. 

My heart is good. My pulmonologist tested me for Sleep Apnea. I now have a CPAP machine. I am still not really sleeping through the night, but I think my sleep is deeper and more restful. Also for the first time in 7 years, my asthma is considered controlled. I got in with an endocrinologist for my diabetes and she has inspired me to lose 80 pounds. I do mean inspire. All other doctors just made me feel guilty. Her goal is to get me off the medications. So health is being dealt with and is generally good.

But I honestly think the real changes were the healthy habits I started developing.  Eating more healthy of course is a big one (I still need to figure out how to fit exercise in) and My kids have been super supportive. But I have started other habits, healthy habits, that are lifting my spirit.

My son once told me that the happiest he's seen me is when I am teaching people how to do the things I love to do. I came to realize that I am happiest when I am creating. Creating, making and crafting, what ever you want to call it, makes me happy and are actually stress relievers for me. So Now, I create everyday. This is usually done in the morning before work.  I get up pack lunches and make breakfast. Then I get dressed for the day. Then I sew (or craft) until it is time to leave for work.  I set an alarm or I would never leave on time.

Another habit I am working on is spiritual feasting.  I know that I feel better when I have been spiritually fed. In my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints), we have what we call general conference every 6 months. At these conferences, our leaders give talks on gospel principles. These conferences are available to us through the church's website (www.churchofjesuschrist.org) and Gospel Library App. They have all the conference addresses clear back to 1971. While I am stitching away each morning, I listen to conference talks. 

I call this combination my Morning Zen. It puts me in a better frame of mind for the day. Does it work? Yes it definitely does. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, I was walking into work and greeting co workers very cheerfully and it hit me. I was happy!!! I was really just happy. Not because it was Friday. Not because I had any specific plans. I was just Happy. That is what comes from the right kind of Self Care.

Another Habit that I am not succeeding with is my effort to clean up the house. I am a terrible house keeper. But i know I would be less stressed if the house was cleaner. So I am came up with a 30-30-30 routine. 30 minutes of general house work, 30 minutes working on my bedroom (whish is a dumping ground), and 30 minutes in my studio sewing/crafting cleaning whatever. The idea being that my reward for an hour of house work is doing what I love. 

Where I am falling down here is being too tired by the time I get home from work.  I am working too many hours these days. Partly because of issues that have been happening within the company as a whole. I need to find a work life balance. That is going to take some letting go on my part. I like to be in control but I have 2 very capable supervisors who can and should be allowed to pick up the slack. So I need to figure out how to develop a work life balance by helping them assume more responsibilities.

You will notice these healthy habits are more emotionally based than physically based. What I am trying to do is figure out what it as that is making me unhappy or giving me stress. Then I try to figure out how to remove or alter that thing. I can't quit my job but I can approach it in a better frame of mind. I can't hire someone else to clean my house but I can work on it a little at a time. I can't not pay my bills but I can live within my means. All these things work towards creating a life that I don't want to escape from.

As each these habits become more a part of my life and less of a goal, I become happier.  I am still a work in progress. I am not going to stop with these habits. True Self Care comes from continually progressing. As I progress with each of these healthy habits, I will start looking for my next healthy habit. Because it is a universal truth that if you are not growing, you are dying. I am not going to let my spirit die.

I believe True Self Care comes from taking care of yourself both physically and mentally all of the time. which means developing routines and systems that bring you peace and growth.  True self care is part of getting well and healing your whole self.

Where are you going to start?